How much can one heart take
by Seblove
Summary: Karen/Chris   How would Karen feel if Chris hadn't slept with Jess but someone just as close to her heart...
1. Chapter 1

He just wanted to get wasted he wanted to drink till he couldn't think anymore. These thoughts, thoughts of her.  
He was tired, tried of it all. Pretending like he felt nothing, that she was just a friend. She wasn't, and it torn him apart inside to act like she was.  
Of course he could never tell her, she was married and she would never see him that way. But she was all he could see, all he could think about and it was drowning him, tearing him apart to see her day after day, to hear her, be around her and not be able to be with her.

"A pint please" he sighed as he sat down at the bar, the barmaid looked at his tired face and said softly "Been a hard day?" he nodded, not wanting to make conversation he just wanted to be left alone. It was the reason he had turned down Tom's offer of a drink, he just wanted some time alone, from that place. From those people, because all it did was remind him of her.

She had watched him come into the bar, and sit down. He was just her type, dark haired and quiet, he looked quiet. Shy even. And as she watched him nervously move his glass around in his hands, lost. That was something she could relate too, she had been lost for a long time, running. It felt forever.  
As she smoothed her long blonde hair, she stood up and walked towards him.

He was so lost in thought, he didn't notice her standing beside him not until she spoke "A penny for them?" the voice sounded familiar. As he looked up he expected to see her, yet he was greeted by a pretty young blonde, she was younger then him. But not by much, it seemed. She smiled brightly at him, "You look like you could do with some company" he was about to protest but she sat down, and suddenly for some unknown reason he felt better. He couldn't explain it, he'd never felt this way around anyone else, anyone else but her.

She watched his eyes, as he looked up at her almost like he was expecting her to be someone else. His eyes were beautiful, but there was something lost there. She could see it more clearly now.  
As she sat down, she felt something. A connection, she couldn't explain it. She had been running for so long and now as her eyes locked with his she finally felt like she had stopped.

It was filled with need, her lips against his. There was no love, or feelings. Just need, as he kicked the door shut his hands were all over her alcohol spreading through his veins, he felt reckless, free. He pulled back, his eyes searching hers, they remained him of something but he couldn't put his finger on it, the thoughts flow from his head as her hands found his jeans, pulling them down. He moaned as she pushed him against the wall, her own hands moving up her skirt as she pushed her panties aside. And then she moved his hands to her ass, he took the hint and lifted her up.

She'd never felt this way before, this need this want. She'd had her share of lovers of course. But it had never been this way. As his fingers, moved over her ass as he lifted her she felt goose bumps, his eyes locked with hers. And she saw it again, a look almost as if he knew her. All thought went from her mind as she throw back her head, a moan escaping her throat as he found his way inside her. She gripped his arms, as he moved faster and quicker with such need.

She was so tight, and wet. Her perfume filling his senses and yet, even now all he could think about was her. He moved faster, trying to force the images from his mind. Would she feel this tight? Would she moan as he moved inside her, he let out a moan of his own against the girl's neck as he felt his release, he felt ashamed. And yet, as he felt her release and saw her eyes, her beautiful eyes once again locked with his, and she spoke a voice he was so familiar with and yet he couldn't understand why "That was amazing" she panted as she slid from his arms, standing in front of him.

The alcohol couldn't hide the tension that filled the room, two strangers as they stared at each other. They clothes rumpled from the need that had filled their body two strangers, both lost and alone.  
He couldn't shake the feel he knew her. From somewhere.. he was pulled from his thoughts "I am Rebecca" her soft voice whispered as she came back into vision and he once again was struck by how beautiful she was, her long blond hair hung in her eyes as she brushed it behind her ear, biting down on her lower lip, causing the feeling once again of deja vu. But he pushed the feeling away, this was a chance a chance to get her out of his head, a chance to move on. He smiled and replied "I'm Chris"


	2. Chapter 2

She could hear the house buzzing with noise as she gazed at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, as silent tears streamed down her face leaving her cheeks red and her eyes swollen. How had it come to this? That she had to cry in the bathroom, alone.  
Everyone had given up on finding Bex's now, they wanted to move on. She of course understood, didn't blame them, how could she as her mother accept she would never see her again. She let out a tired sigh and took a deep breath as she splashed her face with cold water, trying to hide the pain she felt inside.

They had talked all night, realizing they had so much in common. They liked the same bands, being outside. And they were both lonely, Rebecca had told him how she had always been a disappointment to her mother, how she'd run away from home. But now she wanted to stop running, she missed her family. She would often call home and hang up, just so she could hear their voices. He saw the pain in her face, the wounds it had left. It was something he could relate too, a sense of not being enough.  
He watched her sleep curled in a ball her hair spread across the pillow she looked so young, so alone. Stroking her hand, he whispered "You don't need to be alone now" he pressed a soft kiss to her temple as he left.

She smiled as his soft lips touched her skin, she'd heard his words and she felt at peace. No longer alone, she wrapped the bed sheets tightly around herself she felt safer then she had for a long time. Her mind wandered, to a time long ago when her mother would sing to her before she slept, softly her voice filled with love before it had all turned bitter. She fell asleep to the sound of her mother's voice rocking her to sleep.

He looked different, relaxed. She couldn't put her finger on it, he'd seemed so sad lately. But his eyes were so bright and happy she wrapped her jacket around herself as she crossed the car park to greet him trying to fight the cold. "Hello Chris, did you have a nice weekend?" she saw him jump a little startled by her voice he hadn't seen her approach. But he offered her a warm smile, and she felt something as she often did something she was almost not aware of. He made her smile he was always there when she needed him. He nodded "I did thank you Mrs Fisher, did you?"  
She offered a weak smile, she'd felt so low this morning yet seeing him always made her feel better "I did thank you Chris, and I have told you a million times you don't need to call me Mrs. Fisher when we are not around the children" she laughed as they walked towards the school together.

He knew, he could see from her eyes she was hurting. He'd seen the look a hundred times before, he knew why. He knew she missed her, after telling him about Bex's as they searched for Ruth he'd ached for her. For the level of pain she was in, that her family wanted her to move on, to act like nothing had happened. And he knew she tired, tired so hard to do that, but he saw her eyes she'd tried to hide the tears he knew she had cried and he ached as he always did to take her pain away.

As they walked closer to the school, he stopped suddenly she looked at him startled "Are you okay Chris?" her eyes, her beautiful eyes filled with confusion, his eyes moved to her hand curled into a ball and he gazed into her eyes as his hand found hers, it felt cold against his own her eyes filled with panic he could see she was about to protest as she scanned the car park, he knew she was worried someone would see them she was a married women of course, and the rumour mill would have a field day but he hushed her "You know I am here, I am always here for you"

His hand felt so warm against hers, it felt so right. His fingers fitted between hers, like they were always meant to be there. And a feeling, a feeling she hadn't felt for a long time spread through her body. She forced herself to be sensible here, she scanned the car park in panic worried someone would see but as he whispered softly, his voice calmed her "You know I am here, I am always here for you" and she felt her body ease, the pain ease. And then almost soon as his hand had been there it was gone, her skin felt cold without him, lonely.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello love, have a nice day?" came Charlie's cheery voice as she opened the front door. She smiled to herself, things seemed to be getting back to normal between them, he had been distant for a while but since she had agreed to try and move on from Bex and not let it take over their lives, it seemed like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders she thought has she pulled her boots off hanging her jacket up as made her way into the kitchen. Watching him move around, preparing dinner she felt so happy. Happier then she had felt for a long" time, it took him a while to notice her standing there watching him "I didn't see you there love" he smiled putting down the oven dish he was holding he walked over to kiss her, his hands still covered by oven gloves. His familiar smell and the way he knew how to hold her comforted her. "I'll set the table" she smiled walking into the dinning room.

He watched her across the dinning table, the kids bickering besides them. She was beautiful, more so then when they had first met. Children and the years hadn't aged her he knew how lucky he was to be with her. He also knew how much pain she had felt, he of course hurt and ached for Bex's but as her mother, the person who carried her he knew that pain would never ease. Watching her smile and laugh with their children, made him feel warm inside. He knew she blamed herself for Bex's leaving, that stupid fight they'd had. She could seem tough and cold, but he knew a different side to her, he'd seen the pain in her eyes.

When she had been pregnant with Bex's, something they had never told her. Karen had been rushed to hospital in her 8th month and told that the baby had stopped breathing, was no longer moving. He'd seen the dread, the fear and the pain in her face they hadn't planned a baby they were young and reckless. But as soon as she knew, as soon as the lines had appeared she was a different person and this baby was all that mattered. The doctors had of course been wrong Bex's was born the very next day early but prefect. But that fear that she would lose her never left Karen and she was over protective she couldn't let go. It had in the end pushed Bex's away and left Karen with her greatest fear.

He reached across the table and squeezed her hand before gently kissing her cheek to the embarrassment of Jess who exclaimed with disgust "Will you two get a room!" He saw the same smile spread across Karen's face and he sighed with happiness.

Jess laid on her bed as she flicked through a magazine, she'd pretended to be disgusted at dinner but secretly she was glad to see her parents happy again. She'd been so worried, so scared they would separate, she knew she had been hard on her mother. That it hurt, she saw the pain in her mothers eyes all the time.  
But it felt like Bex's was always there, she had always been there. Always come first, she knew her parents loved her of course. But not in the same way as Bex's she took so much of their attention. Of course she missed her sister, but in some ways she was glad she had left. She'd caused her mother so much heartache, day after day year after year she would be there to forgive her for all the mistakes she made. Like when she had stolen her grandmothers necklace her mother had been left, she'd heard her mother cry at night and she hated Bex's for that.  
She sat up and hugged her knees her family was better off without her. This was the happiest they had been in a long time.

He ran his finger up and down the back of her neck as they lay in bed before planting a soft kiss against it she shivered and smiled. He knew her knew the ways in which to make her smile, to feel safe. "I love you so much Karen" he whispered against her neck, his words filled with such love. And she was happy, but somewhere deep inside there was part of her that was lost so lost. She tried to force it down, to forget it to be happy. She turned, and looked into his eyes, his beautiful eyes they had aged with time but still flickered with love. Stroking his cheek with her fingertips she smiled as she pressed a soft kiss on his lips, before rubbing his nose with hers and smiled "I love you too Charlie".

"It's a silent caller again" she heard her brother shout before putting the phone down, her heart skipped a beat. Harry, her little brother he must be so big now. He'd always been her favourite not yet aware of the trouble she had caused, not like Jess. She sat on the sofa, her chin resting on her knees as the tears wet her cheeks. She missed them, every birthday she thought of them wondering if they missed her.  
At first she had been so angry, so angry with her mother. It had taken a long time for that to side, and then she just felt lost. She was too proud to say sorry, to go back.  
But now she was no longer alone, she smiled as she thought of him. She finally had someone, someone who cared. He of course didn't know her past, she stood up as she gazed out of his living room window, how could she possibly tell him risk losing him?

He shut the door behind him, shivering as the warm air hit is cold body. It was so cold out there now he thought he needed a warm coat. "Rebecca" he called through the house as he hung his coat up and walked into the living room, he stopped and smiled. She was asleep in a ball on his sofa, her fists curled into tiny fists. It had only been a number of weeks, but it felt like she had always been here. They hadn't decided to move in together, it had just happened. She hadn't left after that first night besides to collect some of her belongings. He'd seen the homeless shelter she'd been living in, and pain pitched at his insides he could never let her go back there. She deserved to be safe she'd not talked about her past not even wanting to tell him her last name. But he respected that, everyone had secrets he was willing to wait till she was ready.

Trying the fire on, he pulled her into his lap she stirred slightly mumbling a protest as the flames of fire warmed the room she always did hate being woken he smiled as suddenly realising how tired sleep blured his eyes and he feel asleep with her in his arms.


	4. Chapter 4

She squeezed her eyes shut hoping that if she kept them closed long enough it wouldn't be real. Another Birthday, another year away from her family she pulled the sheets around her, feeling Chris move in his sleep besides her and swallowed her sobs she missed them so much, more then anything she wanted to feel her mothers arms around her she wanted to tell her how sorry she was, feeling him stir she quickly wiped her face on the sheet "Rebecca are you okay?" his voice was husky from just waking up, she felt his lips against her neck as she rested her hands under her chin and nodded.

He had heard her, just as he had heard every night since they had met. When she thought he wasn't aware of it. He knew, he could feel how much pain she was in how deeply she had pushed it inside. Till it had twisted and torn at her, and yet she would not speak her fears. Reaching around he turned her so she was facing him, her eyes were bloodshot he run his fingers down her swollen cheeks and let his finger linger on her lips "Rebecca, you don't have to hide your pain from me. I am here for you. I'll always be here for you" he whispered softly to her, as he watched the tears roll down her face he hated himself for not being able to protect her from this, to stop this. He did all he could do and wrapped his arms around her.

He knew, he could see as she tried to hide it, how broken she was. Her eyes were lost unable to connect with his, or anything.  
None of them had forgotten, they all knew what this dated meant. He knew he should be there for her, to hold her. Allow her this, but he couldn't he couldn't go back there. Bex's was his baby, his princess but she was gone and the pain of it would never ease but he couldn't be wrapped in it like she was. He had to fight to pull them through this, as he feared she would fall into the darkness once again.

"Mum, can Vikki stay over tonight?" she heard Jess's words but she couldn't connect them, she was too far away.  
Bex's 5th birthday, all she had wanted, all she had talked about for months was a cat she could see her face her beautiful face when she had seen Tabby for the first time as it filled with happiness and light of course it hadn't lasted and she was left to clean up after it. But at that moment, as she held the cat in her arms, a smile spread across her face Karen had felt like she was able to give her daughter everything she needed. She'd been wrong she felt tears build and fought them.  
"Mum are you even listening to me?" screamed Jess inches from Karen's face, suddenly seeing her she smiled her beautiful baby she hid her pain so well, her eyes so bright, it was the first thing she had noticed when they handed Jess to her. She pulled a shocked Jess into her arms and whispered against her hair, the hair she had spent so long brushing and putting into bunches as a child "My sweet baby, I am sorry. I am so sorry" she wept.

Jess let her mother hold her, unsure of how to respond. It had been so long since she had felt her mother's arms around her. She felt the tears in the back of her eyes, since Bex's had left it was as if her mother was scared to get close to her or Harry, she kept them at a distance. And Jess had never told her how much that hurt, how much she longed to be held. Pulling back from her mother she looked into her eyes. Eyes she had often seen filled with such hurt and she longed to fix this, to stop this. But she knew she couldn't, as she whispered "I know mum, I know, I am sorry too but since Bex's left it has felt like you did too" she saw her mother nod sadly as she went on "And Harry and me miss you so much, the way you used to be" she let go of a breath she had been holding in, her chest hurt as she watched the silent tear fall from her mother's eyes and pulled her mother back into her arms she knew only one person could do that. Bex's.

The day had felt so long, she couldn't focus even simple tasks had felt too much. And yet everyone seemed so happy, so alive. Opening her front door she felt the heat hit her body and she sighed she knew how much she had hurt her family, but how could she left go of Bex's? this was her special day and she was being made to feel like she had to forget that.  
Walking into the sitting room, she smiled sadly as she saw them huddled together on the sofa pain hitched in her chest, she wasn't needed here. Not anymore, watching them together so at ease with each other. Charlie sat with his arm around Jess Harry by her feet as they sat watching TV they hadn't noticed her, they didn't need her. Is this how Bex's had felt? She quietly left the room, opening the front door as she felt the tears burn her eyes.

He put his pen down, his final exam paper he thought to himself as he lent back stretching in his chair before standing up. He let out a sigh watching his breath come out in a white puff of air, it had turned so cold lately he thought as he picked his jacket up and made his way out of the room.  
Making his way down the hall way he stopped suddenly as he noticed a thin strip of light coming from under Karen's door, that is odd he thought she had gone home hours ago. Walking over he knocked lightly, hearing no response he opened the door slightly and he saw her in a ball on the floor, her legs curled under her. She didn't look up at his presence, remaining curled in a ball. She looked so childlike, so afraid. He'd never seen her like this, and it scared him.

Having no more tears to cry, her eyes burnt from them. She wanted to disappear be as far away from this as possible. Bex, her beautiful baby, the pain was unbearable. She couldn't hide the wounds it was leaving inside her anymore.  
She noticed him, but she was unable to respond to it. She felt his uncertainty, but she couldn't ease that for him. She was too weak, too far gone. And then she heard him, his voice as it pierced through her darkness "Karen, are you okay" he whispered softly she could hear the fear in his voice as it shook, and suddenly he was beside her. On his knees as he pulled her to hers..  
"I just miss her, I miss her so much" her voice was broken as she sobbed "And yet it is as if she was never here. They all act like she is dead, but I have no body. I can't grieve so I am locked in these walls of pain, I can't find a way out of" he watched the tears fall down her cheeks and he ached for what she was feeling "I just want to hold her again, I want someone to tell me she was real" he moved forward, she shook her head trying to resist "No" she mumbled barely a whisper too weak to fight anymore. She felt so small in his arms, so fragile. "Shh" he whispered into her hair as he rubbed her back.

She melted into his embrace, not wanting too. She didn't want him to see her this weak and yet as soon as he touched her she had no choice her body took over. His arms around her felt so right, pressed against him. His mouth moved against her neck and she felt a shiver run through her body as he whispered "She was real, you know she was real" and she felt her whole body rock with sobs, she shook against him and yet he didn't let go tighten his embrace around her.

He pulled back looking into her eyes swollen and red from her heartache and yet they were so bright, so beautiful. He heard her breath begin to steady, seeing her blush as she lowered her head moving his fingers below her chin he lifted it "You have nothing to be ashamed of" he whispered.

She couldn't understand what was happening she had gone from feeling so broken, so lost to something else. She felt something, something she had felt for a while. Now seeing the look in his eyes, the nervousness of his body she was sure it was something he felt too. Without warning she moved forward, her lips met his in an unresponsive kiss she moved back almost as quickly as she had kissed him lowering her head. How could she be so stupid, she could see the embarrassment in his face, she had been so foolish "I am so sorry" she whispered softly.

Shivers went through his whole body as his brain tried to work out what had just happened all he could think about, feel was her lips against hiss. And now his heart ached as he watched her face fill with shame. He had dreamt of this moment for so long and yet his feelings twisted Karen had been for so long all he had ever wanted, but now there was Bex and he was unsure were that left his heart.

But watching her, unable to make eye contact with him and knowing this might be the only time he would get the chance he pushed every thought that told him this was a bad idea as he pulled her into his arms, moving his hand to her cheek he wanted to see her eyes, her beautiful eyes which were now filled with confusion and something else, something darker. Need. He rubbed her cheek with his fingers, moving his lips down so he could feel her breath against his lips, he heard her let out a small moan and it sent waves of pleasure through his body "How could you think I don't want you" he whispered his voice filled with lust and then her soft lips were against his and he felt they bodies melt together.

Her hands were in his hair, moving on their own accord. She pressed her body against his, wanting to be as close as possible. It was like nothing she had ever felt before, of course she loved Charlie but when he kissed her it felt so comfortable, but this was wild, intense. Yet there was something else there a closeness she hadn't expected. As his tongue parted her lips seeking to find hers, she let out a heavy groan it was as if he was meant to kiss her, to know her this way.

This is wrong his brain repeated over and over, but his body wanted this. Her body pressed against his, he'd wanted this for so long and he had not been disappointed. He ran his tongue over her lower lip before removing his lips from hers, the protest she let out from the loss of contact made his trousers tighten. This was something he had dreamt about for so long he thought as his lips found her neck, so soft and smooth. Running his tongue up and down it, he felt her grip his arms sensing her need for him his lips found her earlobe as he bite down gently "I've wanted you for so long" he moaned


End file.
